Children are not harmed by divorce but by continuing arguments

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Children are not harmed by divorce but by continuing arguments

We know from the research that children are not harmed by the fact of their parents separating and divorcing.

The real harm to children is caused when the understandable differences between separated parents turn into ongoing disputes and arguments so that the conflict is allowed to continue unresolved.

Children are not harmed if you give them your approval to see the other parent

So what should parents do? Firstly, children need reassurance that both parents love them. The next tip comes from the highly respected psychologist and researcher Judith Wallerstein carried out research with children whose parents had separated and she followed them over a long period of time from their childhood through to their adult lives. Her conclusion over 25 years of such research was that the best thing any separated parent can do for their child is to give their blessing and approval for their child to enjoy their time with the other parent.

Protect children on divorce by sorting continuing arguments

So how can you make the best arrangements and resolve arguments, disputes and family conflict over children or financial settlements or divorce settlements?

Don’t sit with continuing disputes for too long. Conflict needs to be resolved effectively. Resolving conflict and disputes efficiently and effectively means a ‘win-win’ so both parents have their respective needs and interests met. This means there should not be any continuing simmering resentment later on.

Children are not harmed by parents who want to get it right

Most parents who want to get it right for themselves and their children can meet face to face but with support from experienced professionals who are used to resolving family disputes. This can be in Mediation
or in Collaborative Family Law

In Mediation you meet round the table and have an experienced Family Mediator to facilitate and enable the two of you to make arrangements that work for both of you.

Collaborative divorce with dignity

The same applies in Collaborative Family Law and this time you each have your own Collaborative Solicitor as a professional friend and ally at your shoulder who is trained and qualified to be able to work constructively to
find solutions that again meet the needs, interests and values of your family.

There is a better way to protect children on divorce

Hopefully in this way we are gradually changing the way in which families are supported and experience separation and divorce. The hope is that it will become as socially unacceptable to have continuing unresolved family disputes and conflict as drinking and driving has become unacceptable. Disagreements are natural and inevitable when there is a divorce or separation. The arguments do not have to be a permanent feature of family life after divorce. There has to be a better way. There are better ways. Many thousands of families are successfully resolving family disputes using the collaborative family law approach or mediation.

Next steps:

For further advice and guidance on collaborative divorce, mediation or how to help your children during divorce or separation:

Call me: 01223 421 051
or email me

Duane Plant
Divorce Solicitor, Collaborative Lawyer and Family Mediator
Divorce, Mediation and Family Law

About Duane Plant

Duane is a Cambridge Divorce Solicitor, Family Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer and trainer who is passionate about changing the way families experience divorce and separation. Duane gives constructive advice so you can divorce with dignity. Connect with Duane on Google+

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