Top tips for children when parents divorce or separate

It’s ok for parents to read this too!!

• Whatever is going on around you remember these points:
• Both parents still love you
• Your parents never thought they would ever separate.
• Your parents are finding it very stressful to make the arrangements to separate
• You are not alone. Half of your friends are in the same position. About 50% of children live in a home without both parents. The key is having the support and love from both parents.
• Many children say that they can have the best of both worlds
• Coping with changes can be stressful
• The most stressful thing is being caught up in ongoing arguments
• It is tough coping with parents who are arguing and who appear to hate each other (but since they did love each other once then this is why it can turn to hate)
• It is not your fault – even if they are arguing over you (which they are doing because they love you. This can make them get things wrong for a while).
• It is not your responsibility to decide. You don’t have to choose between parents. You will still have two parents even when they live apart.
• If a parent keeps questioning you about your other parent then just say that you don’t like it – and that you wouldn’t like it if they both kept questioning you.
• If Dad criticises Mum, or Mum criticises Dad, or grandparents criticise one parent then it usually feels as if they are criticising half of you – but parents don’t understand this. They think their criticism is justified and true. You don’t need to know the detailed truth. The important thing is that you will have two homes and two parents and be able to move happily between your parents and between the two homes
• It can be tough but you will get through it.
• If your parents are not listening to you then you could show them this to help them understand how you feel.

I hope you found this helpful.

Duane Plant  Solicitor, Family Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer

Divorce, Mediation and Family Law