Negotiations got stuck? Why won’t my former partner settle yet?

Separation and divorce: circumstances you never thought you would find yourself in. Knowing that divorce happens to more than one in three marriages does not help you cope with how tough it is. Most people feel vulnerable and frightened. We know divorce is one of the biggest life events we face. Just because it is a normal life event doesn’t make it easier to cope with. Most of us do not cope well with change, particularly when we have to cope with long periods of uncertainty as to what will happen.

There are also many different parts and aspects of the relationship that are coming to an end. A decision may have been made by you or your spouse to end the relationship or marriage. However bringing all parts of the relationship to an end happens over a series of stages. The sexual relationship is likely to be the first part of the relationship to end. The spiritual connection can sometimes end early as well. Curiously the physical living together may one of the earliest parts to end or it may be the last if you are waiting to sell a property for example. Obviously many couples will need to continue with a joint co-parenting relationship. Some couples are also business partners. I have used the collaborative divorce option where such a couple need to continue their joint business relationship where it is to their mutual advantage. The end of the emotional relationship is often made more complicated by ongoing conflict and disputes. Suddenly it feels as if you never really knew your spouse at all!

It does take time for the different parts of the relationship to be brought to an end. Many people concentrate on trying to push through the financial settlement but it can be frustrating where perfectly sensible proposals The psychologists tell us that it takes time for us to cope with the different stages, usually a couple of years.  Some of the feelings and thoughts you will have will feel unfamiliar and confusing. This can make you question yourself as to whether anything is wrong with you. It’s ok. This is normal. You will get through it.

Sometimes it can be frustrating to realise that you cannot resolve the dispute or reach a financial settlement when logic and commonsense tell you this should have been settled by now. I have often come across the situation where a spouse is just not ready to let go of the relationship. It can be tempting to think that you will be buying goodwill by not being too hard on your spouse. There will come a time when you just want to stop banging your head against a brick wall. You are ready to move on. Your spouse is not. In fact this is quite common. There are also some common mistakes that are made at this time and it may cost you. It needn’t be like this.

To discuss how to resolve your particular dispute:

contact me 01223 421051 or mail duaneplant@dmfl.co.uk  

I hope you found this helpful.

Duane Plant

Divorce Solicitor, Family Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer

Divorce, Mediation and Family Law