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Children are not harmed by divorce but by continuing arguments
We know from the research that children are not harmed by the fact of their parents separating and divorcing. The real harm to children is caused when the understandable differences between separated parents turn into ongoing disputes and arguments so that the conflict is allowed to continue unresolved. Children are not harmed if you give them your approval to see the other parent So what should parents do? Firstly, children need reassurance that both parents love them. The next tip comes from the highly respected psychologist and researcher Judith Wallerstein carried out research with children whose parents had separated and she followed them over a long period of time...
Read MoreDivorce and separation. How do we tell the children?
Contemplating separation and divorce is daunting enough… but for parents the inevitable questions loom; “What do we tell the children?” and “How do we tell the children?” I have put together some guidance which has been gathered from my experience in the last 25 years of working in this area and I hope that by sharing this knowledge freely with you it will help make things much easier and clearer for you and your family. I hope to help you to help your children. Guidance You have the first key already in your own question, “we” – you do tell them together. You need to agree what you do not tell them. They should never be...
Read MoreIs divorce and a broken home the cause of a broken society? No!
There are plenty of easy opinions and clichéd views flying around after last week’s riots about the behaviour of teenagers being the result of coming from a ‘broken home’. All the blame, and guilt, gets heaped onto separated and divorced parents by blaming divorce as being a direct causal link to unacceptable behaviour in teenagers and young adults. It is not that simple and the divorce rate has been going down. In fact the main harm to children is not from the fact of their parents divorcing but from being caught in the crossfire of on-going conflict. As a divorce solicitor I have a responsibility for not making things worse. In fact I am I am proud that many fellow...
Read MoreA guide to choosing a divorce solicitor
When I do the same as you and search the internet for divorce websites I am concerned and confused at what I find. I can read the subtleties of what the website owners say and do not say. Some appear to be ready to give all sorts of advice and offer various divorce services but these services are being offered by people who are not solicitors. This is no doubt perfectly legitimate but how helpful can they be to you? As a solicitor who has spent the last 25 years helping and representing clients in front of Judges in the divorce court system then I wonder at the differences in the detailed guidance and advice these non-lawyers can offer. Choosing a good divorce solicitor...
Read MoreGuide to giving evidence in a court hearing
After more than 25 years conducting court proceedings I thought it might be helpful to summarise some of the tips I give clients before they give evidence: Guidance on giving evidence in court Tell the truth. Answer the question. Don’t answer a different question. Keep your voice up and speak clearly and not too fast (the Judge and lawyers are trying to write down what you say). Don’t get involved in an argument when being cross examined – you won’t win – and you’ll create the wrong impression. Don’t second guess where the questions are going, just answer the question truthfully. Don’t worry if you think the answers are damaging to your case. Your lawyer...
Read MoreCan I hide my money or assets in a divorce?
Why hiding your assets or income in a divorce is really stupid. Hiding and not disclosing assets is not only stupid but it is not in your own best interests. Here is why. What you want to end up with is a final court order or a “consent order” made by the Court in full and final settlement and where there are no comebacks. A clean break consent order dismisses all and any financial claims for money or property or pension or inheritance forever. Logically you do not want to be holding a worthless consent order approved by the court only to live in dread of the letter in the post informing you that the so-called final settlement is being set aside and opened up so a...
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